This was many moons ago...
The Flood had come..much thicker than the Forty days' flood of yore...made thicker by the salt of my own tears, grease of a fierce anger for the ones who orphaned me to my emptiness, blinding lights of madness,and poisons of incarnations of a desire for vengeance,....The waves were rough and every creature who shared the Ark with me, I found, had a companion, _even the lazy logger-head turtle--an aquatic extension of my own false voices, which did nothing more than schooling me in arguing and and fighting with myself ,and taking me nowhere...Even the little hermit crab had his lady by his side...The hermit crab-my own voice of the false visions ,deceiving me into grabbing the habit of being crabby about even the smallest disturbances in the Ark...( ..now I wonder why I listened to those Potuguese-men-of-war ,and ignored the voices of the dolphins speaking to me in the wilderness of the waters...)...And I the Ugliest Duckling in the Ark, the only creature without a mate ,used to go to sleep, in a shadowy corner of the swaying Ark, where my dreams visited me...Yeah, as for time, my dreams kept no strings attached ...Some times they wud happen in the middle of a shaky afternoon, without even leaving a footmark in the sands of my heart...Sometimes , they wud just pass by, while I was awake, leaving behind a vague hope or a theme for a possible future joy..--but I loved them most when they made their presence felt in the cool hours of early mornings, as visions....sometimes as Parables, enlightening me...or as prophecies , thrilling me, making every voice heard,every color seen, and every touch felt...Till then I was an Ugly Duckling , lost in the flood of my own tears , without hopes-without beliefs...
Dreams came and went as they pleased...and time reached a fullness like a blue water lily flower in full bloom, spreading the smells of the joys of a watery spring, and I the Ugly Duckling started learning to have a hope in Hope , belief in Belief and faith in Faith....
---That was many moons back....
Every creature was waiting for the day when the pretty white pigeon wud return with the Olive leaf -but I the Ugly Duckling was slowly discovering the truth that, I can make myself feel like the ''Beautiful Swan'' and learn to swim ...My dreams in silent and colorful dispersion over the wakeful unconscious of my soul, was slowly inspiring me to shake off , off my feathers , my disillusions ,and jump out into the raving waves and swim against them , and find my way home....Yeah, and I wanted to jump straight out of the Ark...
--That was about ten thousand and one moons back----
And I the Ugly Duckling, now feeling like a Beautiful Swan, jumped head-long into the flood of life ( the waves still rough , and the sea tough...)But I noticed that someone called ''loneliness'' had followed me in this adventure--a loneliness which hated itself , feared itself , and wanted to get rid of itself...Oh !how I hated that loneliness which always accompanied me everywhere ,without leaving me alone !..I was still caught up in the waves , but I was now a swimming-fighting -duck-swan...I had been treading water for so long and finally after years of only nights of waxing and wanings of many moons, I saw the ''Sun'' for the first time...As the Sun of my life rose in the horizon as a Greater Light, I saw a beautifuller Love in its infinite rays , putting in shade all other loves , narrow and selfish--those lesser loves that never ''loved''....As I made my pact with this Unconditional Sun, I saw my '' loneliness'' getting old and grey and finally dying a terrible death...I was no longer 'lonely', but went on as a 'loner'...Then I saw something in a flash , which for me was a moment becoming an experience...An Imperial shag appeared as if from nowhere and plummetted royally into the water, reappeared on the surface, then took to wings westward, so confident in a Great Love, which it knew wud provide its every need in season...That was a good lesson...Like the Bird of the Air , I felt like the Swan of the Sea..
---And that was many suns back---
One day I heard the sea-hollies breaking open into blooms---It was a sign...my beliefs blossomed into sweet-smelling KNOWINGS..which in fact were healing answers to my bleeding questions, a thousand ones which for a time had bumped into one another, falling one upon one, getting hurt ,and finally losing themselves in the whirlpool of doubts...But I always made tracks and found answers which had the strength to stand on their feet...The language of the waves was still rough , but they taught me the lesson that, beneath them lay the tranquil depths...but to reach them , one has to break thru' the waves..Another harsh lesson, making me wiser and richer...Then I delved deep down--down and still down until I found my depths...--My Tranquil Depths....
----And that was about a seven thousand and one suns back----
The Depths...It was a glorious institution by itself , where I was made wiser by the most enchanting lessons forgiving and forgetting , attaching and detaching..and above all unconditionally loving and giving...Every stone of my watery depths is an idol, every leaf a book, every vibration a song, ---Every fellow creature of mine has a tale to tell and every creeper has a scripture to preach---Life here is a serene song,-- a dream looking like reality and reality appearing like a dream, washing away the borderlines in between...My Depths , like the pristine crystals, reflects all colors, but make no distinction between brown and red , or yellow and green, but prove that all colors merge here to form one transparent Blue of an Infinite Love....The Depths always had kept the equilibriance perfectly balanced and taught me , how to keep my poise , whether rain or shine, hell or heavy water...As I started feeling like a beautiful swan , becoming one with my depths, grounded on a time and space which the wise men of proverbs call by names ''the eternal now '' and ''the eternal here'' I do not have any more prejudices...I hold no courts , no judgements---There are no differences in me , as my waters dissolve all those silly differences into one single opinion, one unanimous option,...So in me there are no undiluted extremes of passion or dispassion, no dogmatic beliefs or blind unbeliefs, but only a diligently diluted version of a system , neither intoxicating me into a forgetfulness of the past, but inspiring me to a remembrance of all lessons learnt, all events experienced, and all roads taken , which led to the recreation of the story of transformation of an Ugly Duckling of an often-read fairy tale, in my life...
--And this was only a few suns back----
Yeah I really do feel like a fairy tale...with enough pixie dust in it to make me feel like an ''Alice in Neverland'' ...Life has been a tough but beautiful story which taught me to dream into life a world where everyone is good and everything is beautiful ,and made me believe that life is an eternal medley of mixed emotions ,where ''LOVE'' is the King , feeling which I just forgot to jump on to the band wagon and join the rush of life...and like Peter Pan of my favorite story forgot to grow up and so still remain childlike...But I also do have the Cinderella inside of me waiting for her 'Prince Charming' ,who I know will take me to my Promised Land to complete ourselves...Yes ...that's why I still keep close to my soul , this ''True-Heart-Cockle-Shell'' to gift him---something which I got one night, as I had gone treasure hunting ,among the white-water-lilies in full glory, bathed in a pinkish shyness captivated by love song of Neptune and chorused by the big-hearted whales....---Yeah , I keep the true-heart-cockle to gift him, the day when I will come across his Love searching for mine, and will find eachother 'beautifully in its own time'....And being in my depths for a long time , with many moons and many suns, my tiny feet have sorto' got transformed into fishtails , which may give you the first impression ,that I am a mermaid, and so I believe someone with wings will sure come along to complement this, and I hope , I will be able to help him in our exploration into our depths together, and he in turn will make me familiar with our heights , to where we will rise in Love hand in hand....but at the same time, I know we both will have grown wise enough to understand the eternal truth along with the wise poet that , between the heights and depths , there is a humble place called 'earth' , and ''Earth's the right place for love and nowhere else is it likely to go any better ''... We will build our little tabernacle of Love on this yellow amber shaded earth .... and I hope with all my hope, will live a life , happily ever after....
